A few weeks back, just two days before Christmas, I somehow threw away my wallet. Not lost, not stolen. Nope. I threw it away.
I managed to toss it into the trash (along with my takeout leftovers), and that trash was promptly taken out. Brilliant. Then, last week, in addition to dealing with piecing my life back together sans wallet, my heat and internet went out. It’s been a trifecta of operational disasters as of late.
I was casually telling a friend about this at a New Year’s party and was so struck by her initial reaction:
“You seem so calm about the whole thing. I would be an absolute wreck!”
I had to pause for a moment. She was right. I was really calm. I’d been without my ID, credit cards, and access to cash for over a week. Sure I’d had help from friends and family, but still, it’s a royal pain in the ass to have something like this happen (especially over the holidays). Add in the heat and internet situations and I’m surprised I didn’t spend most of this period cursing the world or in a pile of tears. The Clara of early 2015 and any time prior to that likely would have.
When I first sat down to write this post, I planned to have it mimic the format from last year. 10 simple but valuable lessons to carry into the New Year. But somehow, this whole experience is what feels most poignant to me. What comes through is a sense of peace. I feel more at peace with myself and my life in a way I never have before. And yet I’ve experienced more change in the last few months than I have this entire year.
What that peace really signifies is acceptance and resilience. Sure I still my bad days (like inadvertently throwing away my wallet), wrestle with anxiety issues, fear elements of the future, or struggle with how to process the past, but those moments don’t rock me as much as they used to. I’m getting much better at recognizing two main things: 1) That in the end, it’s all going to be ok (resilience) and 2) I can only control so much of my life (acceptance).
These are huge emotional milestones for me. HUGE. And the fact that I’ve been able to reach these points gives me so much excitement for the year to come. It’s bound to be filled with ups and downs, but I know I’ll always land on my feet. And though it will be hard at times to perfect that landing, there’s not a doubt in my mind that I can do it (each an every time). Here’s to a beautiful year. xx Clara